I’d like to share this story I read a while back, about a young boy, that got me thinking:

Once upon a time there was a little boy who was talented, creative, handsome, and extremely bright. A natural leader. The kind of person everyone would normally have wanted on their team or project. But he was also self-centered and had a very bad temper. When he got angry, he usually said, and often did, some very hurtful things. In fact, he seemed to have little regard for those around him. Even friends. So, naturally, he had few of them. He told himself, “that just shows how stupid most people are!”

As he grew, his parents became concerned about this personality flaw, and pondered long and hard about what they should do. Finally, the father had an idea and he struck a bargain with his son. He gave him a bag of nails and a BIG hammer. “Whenever you lose your temper,” he told the boy, “I want you to really let it out. Just take a nail and drive it into the oak boards of that old fence out back. Hit that nail as hard as you can!”

Of course, those weathered oak boards in that old fence were almost as tough as iron, and the hammer was mighty heavy, so it wasn’t nearly as easy as it first sounded. Nevertheless, by the end of the first day, the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence (That was one angry young man!). Gradually, over a period of weeks, the number dwindled down. Holding his temper proved to be easier than driving nails into the fence! Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He felt mighty proud as he told his parents about that accomplishment.

“As a sign of your success,” his father responded, “you get to PULL OUT one nail. In fact, you can do that each day that you don’t lose your temper even once.” Well, many weeks passed by. Finally one day the young boy was able to report proudly that all the nails were gone. At that point, the father asked his son to walk out with him and take one more good look at the fence. “You have done well, my son,” he said. “But I want you to notice the holes that are left. No matter what happens from now on, this fence will never be the same. Saying or doing hurtful things in anger produces the same kind of result. There will always be a scar. It won’t matter how many times you say you’re sorry, or how many years pass, the scar will still be there. And a verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

People are much more valuable than an old fence. They make us smile. They help us succeed. Some will even become friends who share our joys, and support us through bad times. If they trust us, they will also open their hearts to us. That means we need to treat everyone with love and respect. We need to prevent as many of those scars as we can.”

The lack of self control is one of the most dangerous problems we face especially as christians, because at it’s core it makes us susceptible to attack from the devil in different areas such as lust, anger, stealing, jealousy, fornication to mention a few. I’d like us to look at the walls as our spirit and the city itself as our flesh or body in reference to the above scripture. What lack of self control does is that it allows the enemy to bring out the worst in a person. We essentially become a city without walls, all our weaknesses are exposed. And sometimes it drives people away from us and we are tagged as someone who can’t hold it together. We become labelled and people walk on egg shells around us. A lot of people try to fix self control by physical effort like counting to ten, taking a deep breath and other defence mechanisms when faced in a situation that could make them lose their temper for instance. What I’ve found is that these are temporary solutions, as they work ONLY in the moment. The fact remains that afterwards you are still left with the feelings of anger. Your WALLS are still DOWN.

So how do we gain self control?

Firstly, accept that your enemy, the devil, is fighting you in the spirit not physically.

Secondly you must then honestly admit that both your flesh and spirit are weak. Proverbs 18:14 explains that we are better off with a sick body and a strong spirit but that no man can endure a crushed spirit. So it’s pretty clear now that we need to build up our walls; we need to strengthen our spirit.

How do we achieve this?

Self control is a fruit of the Spirit, and can only be achieved by asking the Holy Spirit for help and engaging in activities that strengthen your spirit, which could include:

-Fasting and praying WHOLE HEARTEDLY about the area in which you lack self control. Matthew 26:41

-Putting your spirit on a healthy diet. This is achieved by CONTINUALLY studying and meditating on the Word of God day and night. Joshua 1:8

-Developing and NURTURING spiritual relationships with friends or family who are strong in spirit. Proverbs 27:17 Ecclesiastics 4:9-10

So you see, as opposed to the temporary physical solution of counting to ten that barely guarantees “brief moments” of self control, gaining permanent self control in any situation requires WHOLEHEARTED CONTINUAL NURTURING of your spirit.

Now think about a bricklayer building a wall with these same attributes, I think we can all agree that it promises to be a mighty Great Wall!

Ruthy A.